Doubts

Growing up, I always imagined myself doing something in the creative world.  Somehow somewhere, I lost track and now I work at a desk job and even though am thankful I have a job, its not a career.  And odds are that most likely my next job will probably be something similar since I am already stuck in this industry.  

I always have enjoyed reading and writing.  But because my type of writing was never poems or fiction but more like personal anecdotes, I thought that wasn’t enough to pursue a career as a writer.  

At some point I wanted to be an actress but I realized I probably wasn’t THAT good. So that went out the window.

There was also another time when I was inspired and wanted to change the world so I attempted to become a journalist and I even finished my bachelors in Media but I lost the drive while still in school. 

I blame the fear of not being good enough. The lack of drive.  The reality I need money one way or another.  And lets face it- I have doubt.  Doubt on what I wanted to be while I was still young.  I know am still young but doubt clouds my head.  Other than doubt in myself, at this point it’s doubt on what I really want to do for the rest of my life.  

I can’t say I wished I was still young because I don’t think I had the best childhood.  I can’t even say I wished I was a teenager because even that time of my life sucked!~ well, not completely…but still.  So now, I look forward to life and try to find joy on everything at task. Turn my focus on other things such as family, friends and new things in my life.  

Am content but I still wished I had a sense of career other than going with the flow.

 

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